Edie Mullen’s Ncfc Social Media Watch – March 2022

For the majority of this century, digital gurus have been extolling social media’s power to take content production and publication out of the hands of high-spec production outfits and place it into the hands of any person who happens to own a phone. 

I just don’t think any of us expected the ultimate expression of this heady-sounding vision of utopia would come from former Norwich midfielder-turned free-thinking entrepreneur Darren Eadie. Where ten years ago he may, for some inexplicable reason, have hired a camera crew to capture the minutiae of his day-to-day, he can now do all this for free with Instagram Stories. 

I think, and memories are fuzzy, that this started with a lovely walk by the river, and some ducks. Like the savvy storyteller he is, Darren left his broadcast on an intriguing note by teasing the possibility of a goose attack. But buried in the engagement-boosting question “what do YOU love most about Norwich?” there was a cunningly dropped key message: I can sell your house.

There has followed the most addictive and compelling rampage upon the East Anglian social media landscape since Snoop Dogg was photographed in a Norwich & Peterborough. 

In light of the quest for writing that looked at either side of the matchday itself, we thought an overview of the month’s NCFC social media activity might be interesting. And it was, on a very basic level, delivering as a concept for the first few days we started paying a bit more attention to what everyone was up to. 

Crabbing In Cromer And Roadside Exchanges

Pierre Lees-Melou’s day trip to Cromer was a heart-fluttering confirmation of a belief I’ve held for some time: that a travelling footballer can’t truly become Norwich until he’s accepted the charms of Roarr! Dinosaur Adventure, seal-watching or any provincial seaside town between Hunstanton and Great Yarmouth. Sexy Fish and Dover St Market are for people who haven’t yet learned the value of not lying to themselves. This was pleasantly echoed by footage of a lovely-looking bowling trip from the Greek contingent.

Another cheering thing to see was the launch of Jonathan Rowe as a concept on Instagram – a pitch-perfect positive-thinking, high-smiling prosperity-gospel-sharing mum-crediter. He just looks like success, going by the ‘gram. His is the perfect content calendar of humble/grateful snap sharing (why be seen boasting, Todd, when you can simply express gratitude for the praise of others, Todd?), inspirational quotes and the classic of classics, the Roadside Crep Handover. 

 

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A post shared by Jonathan Rowe † (@jonathanrowe_)

To the uninitiated, this is when a collector of limited-edition footwear and a vendor of these goods meet geographically halfway for the exchange (I’d imagine in this case somewhere between the A11-M11 point and Bishop’s Stortford). This ceremony is not complete without an awkward photo for Stories of them in front of their parked cars, each gingerly holding one handle of a single branded carrier bag. It’s a stamp of authenticity that bolsters the club’s decision to sign – and who wouldn’t want to see one of those this year, eh?

Darren Eadie Has Completed Social Media

But all of this charming nonsense vanished in one week, washed away by a tidal wave as the Godzilla of Norfolk’s social platforms stomped towards us. Sirens blared. We never knew what was about to hit us. 

The house-selling comments in the initial video, which historians shall refer to as Post Zero, caused some confusion. We’ve known for some time about Darren’s brainchild Fortress Elite – a high-end, discreet firm of house movers that wouldn’t ask for selfies when they turn up. But now, in partnership with a local and equally prestigious estate agent, he’s evolving the brand – a clarification that was issued via a simulated Sky Sports News-style news item of a contract signing between the two owners that must have cost a fair amount to put together. 

Those of us who’ve got sucked in have since been glued to our screens. He’s touring local four-beds and marveling at their amenities in a fashion competent enough to get him an understudy gig for Our Dion on Homes Under the Hammer, committing to the task in hand as he showcases 15-year-old kitchens and bare spring gardens. 

We at @FortressElite Estates & @pymmandco are delighted to offer this Penthouse with far reaching panoramic views of Norwich

darren.elitefortress@gmail.com to market your property with the largest buyer reach in East Anglia #norfolkproperty #norwichproperty #propertysales pic.twitter.com/83QBC8Ea9p

— Darren Eadie (@eadie11) March 12, 2022

But if that was all he was showing us, we’d have tuned out by now. With a touch of instinctive genius, he’s chucking in modern-day shitpost hand grenades to break up the feed. Kissing a above-life-size display decal of Bran Williams; tracking down his own surname in six-foot-high graffiti in a local park; experiencing facial graffiti at the hands of his visiting daughters (two expertly drafted cocks and ballses, we can only hope in eyeliner); photoshopping his own picture into a Peaky Blinders promo because he’s so excited it’s back on; enjoying a cold cider with the caption “table for one!” and asking if people still use pens. 

Who needs a smart phone or tablet, I still rely on good old paper and pen….do you? 🖊

Elite Fortress Estates https://t.co/1x9OV9lVPS for your entire home sales and removal package under one roof 👌🏼

darren.elitefortress@gmail.com#norwichproperty #propertysales #removals pic.twitter.com/DFP2g6VJa0

— Darren Eadie (@eadie11) March 17, 2022

Not even 20-year digital content veterans could predict what Eadie’ll do next, and that’s why he’s beaten us all. One of his most memorable multimedia statements: a photo of a cassingle of Bel Biv Devoe’s legendary New Jack classic cut ‘Poison’, with a caption that attributed all his success to it – without ever actually explaining why. It ended with an offer to come and host your local event or conference. 

darren.elitefortress@gmail.com pic.twitter.com/OhLJS1hD2z

— Darren Eadie (@eadie11) March 15, 2022

While nothing would be more tempting than a whip-round, I’d like to advise caution: it’s the mystery that makes this digital chaos agent/estate agent hybrid so addictive. I’d just like to see a better work rate from our current lot as I can’t do another update that’s just Darren – it just wouldn’t be fair. There’s never been a better opportunity to learn from the veterans.