The ACN Match Review – Swansea (a)

The atmosphere

I was not one of the 316 hardy souls (midweek Championship away fans and mountain folk are the only people who can be described as hardy, aren’t they?) who made the trip down the M4 so I can offer no opinion on this. Not even via what I heard on TV, because the sound coming down the line on Sky Sports Red Button sounded like a broadcast of a 1970 World Cup group game in Mexico played through a mono speaker.

The line-up

Really got no idea what to think of the team right now. The last few seasons, a major strength was our depth – and on paper this is still pretty good. Until the paper turns to grass, then suddenly we look as if we’re fielding genuine reserve players. But then again, what’s the best XI? Fucked if I know.

Hurrah moment

At least there was one triumph this evening. With Norwich duffing up in glorious single-camera Standard Definition on my big TV, on my laptop I had successfully re-established the Roman Empire on Crusader Kings 3 with my character Emperor Ameiurus of the Hayhoeus dynasty. The second time I have done this but the first starting as the Byzantines, and the earliest I have achieved it (1100AD). I think it is rather representative of the situation we find ourselves in with modern football, that this was far more endorphinic in providing me with any semblance of an enjoyable Wednesday evening than our defensive frailties on Sky Sports Red Button. Or Saudi Arabia beating Qatar in the Champions League over on TNT. Vivat Imperium Romanum!

Boo moment

Jesus CHRIST, Norwich. Can you just please defend properly. Just for once. The three bites at the cherry for the second goal (“shudda-beena-penalty”, “great-save”, “fuck-it’s-in-the-net”) took the idea of watching the hypothetical car crash in slow motion to new heights.

Also, in the unlikely situation that someone reading this has any sway at IFAB: If you could put a word in ASAP so the five-sub rule can go back down to three, then it’s going to solve us a whole heap of Wagnery problems for the rest of the season. It’s bad enough that this Plutocratic, supposed ‘temporary’, rule change has now become permanent – let alone Norwich City to go all Norwich City and make a massive hash of actually using it.

ALSO. While ennui was the name of the game for last season, and many of us simply tuned out of the football, what makes things trickier this time is that people have started to stand on the south bank of the River Waveney with little clipboards and powerpoint presentations to show us just how well they’re doing now. Yes. Those Ipswich fans who’ve been hiding under blankets for the last 10 years are now suddenly popping up everywhere to remind us they’re bulldozing the season so far. “They’ll get destroyed in the Premier League,” the optimists will continue to say. Well, this feels like little consolation right now. For the love of God Everton, just sack whoever your manager is this week and poach McKenna.

Hero of the match

Tottenham Hotspur Young Player of the Year 2024/25 Jonny Rowe and Leicester City Player of the Year 2024/25 Gabriel Sara both put in their usual exceptional shifts. Shite from everyone else except Gunn, who made a great save just before Swansea’s second.

Our post-match takeaway

“Hey, we’re still <insert vaguely okay league position here> and you’re expecting too much. This is Norwich after all,” some optimists might say, as the obvious long term fragility of the team and its tactics are exposed once again in an away defeat. And some optimists might be correct. After all, I remember the bad old days of beating Leeds at Elland Road and getting promoted playing some of the best football in the country – so clearly my best-case-scenario expectations are far too high.

We’re drifting. How we stop the drift I’ll leave to people who are better informed than I am. But we need a safe anchorage soon, otherwise the Bermuda Triangle of perennial Championship mid-table beckons.