The Lambert Diaries – Part 3

18th December 2018

Big news.

United have sacked Mourinho. Sometimes the stars just align and today feels like one of those days. Hot on the heels of our emphatic 1-0 victory over Wigan; this happens.

I can’t see United making the mistake Liverpool did by appointing somebody that isn’t me. I phoned Gilly and explained that I’d happily take him to Old Trafford with me and he said something about jumping the gun? Jump at the bloody chance, more like!!

Folk might not think that beating Wigan is an obvious audition for a gig at the Theatre of Dreams but, if you can’t enjoy beating a team like Wigan, you might as well pack up. Ask any St Helens fan; beating Wigan MEANS something. Christ, the thought of Sears up top with Lukaku is giving me a bit of a downstairs twitch.

Called Marcus. The man is a gent. He told me that should Manchester United (when, clearly) ask about my availability he will not stand in my way. I also asked him about whether he’d have any objection to me raiding the ITFC squad in January to drive a push for the Champions League. He must have been in a pub or something because all I heard was uproarious laughter and then the phone went dead.

Strange.

Anyway, I’ve already been down to Carr Street, bagged some MUFC merch in Sports Direct – I’m going more Pulis than Pep for the interview – (will they even bother with an interview?) – it’s these small details and my attention to them that sets me apart from the likes of Zidane or Blanc. They never won a fucking Champions League with Dortmund either. And as far as I’m aware, they’ve never got the best out of Christian Benteke either. Or Marc Tierney.

I suppose there is the question about adjusting to the big personalities to address. Ultimately though, Pogba will just have to get fucking used to having someone of my calibre around the place. He can fuck off with those haircuts too.

Right. Bags are packed. Maserati has a full tank. The phone is fully charged, just waiting for it to ring.

On The Ball United!!!